I often see this query being searched on the web or being asked around – Is a Career Woman Happier than a Stay at Home Mom?
How are working women struggling with work-life balance issues?
Do they feel satisfied in their career and family management?
Are stay at home women / mothers more satisfied than their working counterparts?
Enough has already been said, but we just can’t judge in generality. There is a lot of judgement, discussions and criticism flowing around on this issue – in favor and against – working mother or a stay-at-home mom. It’s all relative – what satisfies you might not be appealing to others. There is no one answer to this question: it is not about yes a working mother is happier or a stay at home mom is, life is always about give and take and we all sacrifice a part of ourselves to make the some aspect of life complete. It is also not about having a complete balance – there is no such thing, always there is a trade-off and that is why there is no concrete answer to this question. However in this article we take an in-depth look at both perspectives and please share yours as well!
The Career Woman
I have heard many career women talk about how grateful they are that they have jobs and something to look forward to other than just taking care of the household chores. They often cite that they would not been “good moms” had they decided not to go to work after having kids. Of the few I asked this question, I got the following interesting answers:
- “I would have been a grumpy mom had I been a stay-at-home mom. I would not have given the quality time I am giving now to my kids.”
- “I would have been a horrible mom, always shouting and screaming at them for this or that. I feel blessed to be out of the house for a few hours of the day and return home waiting to hug and play with my kids!”
- “I would have felt stifled at home, not finding the outlet to my creativity or just being at the place of work and interacting intellectually with like-minded personalities. I know it is hard to balance work and family but I find most satisfaction in the juggle than not having the option to juggle at all!”
Some great answers there, but I feel the point is about having a choice. The choice to be a stay at home mother or being a working parent. At times, women don’t even have the choice on what they truly want depending on financial circumstances, personal issues or a child’s health or disability problem. You may choose to be a working mom or a stay at home mom, but feel grateful that you have a choice. On the other hand, I have a friend who recently took up full-time work after being on a contract job for almost 3 years, the reason she preferred the contract jobs was she could always work on 2-3 months on a project and then take off during the summer breaks, the winter breaks the not-so-planned breaks when the kids are down under weather. Now since her younger child is 4 years old she thought it is time for her to consider full-time work, but have the vacations changed? No. Are the possibilities low of the unexpected events? Probably slightly since the kids are grown up but there’re still there. With the summer vacations here she is now struggling how to manage everything with no accrued vacation; she wishes she was back to part-time work or on a contract employment. The struggles, the dilemmas for a career woman are ever present and we have to deal with them day in and out. But it is through challenges and some struggles that life becomes more meaningful and exciting, so I see no reason on shying away from them.
According to an article in the BBC news columns, a survey says that Working women with children are significantly happier than stay-at-home mothers, regardless of how many hours they work. The Job Satisfaction and Family Happiness survey also found that job satisfaction for women with partners is greater when they work part-time, irrespective of how small or large these jobs are.
The Stay-at-home Mother
Now, let’s talk about our stay-at-home mom, she too has too much on her plate and her day all booked with events like chauffeuring the kids to school and extra-curricular activities, work around the house and outside the house. One of the myths that must be clarified– a stay at home mom is not someone who is “not-working”. Being a mom already means a lot of work and in diverse ways, there cannot be a day when you are “out of work”. What are the guilt factors do stay at home moms feel the guilt of not being able to contribute to the family finances? Do they feel guilty of watching Oprah and shopping network channels during day time? Or should they? If you have a slightest feeling of guilt on not contributing to the finances of your house, you must look at the statistics below your work at home perhaps amounts much more than your working counterpart:
Salary.com brings forth the dream job for you – drum roll please – the Stay at home mom! The article says, “Stay-at-home mothers wear many hats. They’re the family CEO, the day care provider, accountant, chauffeur, counselor, chef, nurse, laundress, entertainer, personal stylist, and educator. Based on a 90-hour work week, Salary.com has estimated that a fair wage for the typical stay-at-home mom would be well over $90,000 for executing all of her daily tasks. Factor in overtime, and the appropriate salary takes a leap of around $25,000.”
How does that make you feel? Of course, the sense of achievement and happiness truly relates to how you are managing your career today and how you perceive your future personal and career success. It truly depends on who you want to be and how satisfied are you presently. It is hard to compare who is happier, your happiness eventually boils down to your liking to what you are doing and whether that satisfies and defines who you are.
Not Completely a SAHM
- A stay at home mom (SAHM) can also contribute financially with some part-time jobs or even with a decent income possibility. A stay at home mom can spare a couple of hours every day and earn money online or even hunt for some flexible jobs which offer her the best of the both worlds (and since anything that offers the best of all worlds is not easy to find – you will have to work hard to find one!)
- Remote working and work outsourcing makes it much easier for a stay at home mom to work as a freelancer.
Flexible Jobs: Perhaps the best path is to be able to enjoy both equally important aspects of life – to be able to spend time with your kids and family and be financially independent. Many stay at home moms have expressed their dissatisfaction over years being at home that they did not find themselves completely happy, they would love to work at least part-time or even just get out of their SAHM schedule now and start a full-time work. Perhaps the ideal situation is finding the right flexible jobs which can help carve out a satisfying life for the mothers.
–> Some best source for flexible jobs you can find here. –> You could even opt for some easy surveys from home programs online and can earn around $50-$600 in one day! Flexible indeed. See one of these programs here.
Caution when searching for pat-time jobs online:Always research well first that you are not being duped on the internet. There are many scams around and it is best to check out these online programs and schemes on their validity before committing to an investment or giving away any personal information.
Choose what works out the best for you in your circumstance and don’t compare with others, that is the perfect mantra of being at peace with yourself!
Question: What is your opinion? What have you liked best about being a working mother or a stay at home mom?
Great points on the both sides of the debate. I know many women that struggle with their decisions.
Great stuff!
You mentioned about circumstances often forcing women to be either working or be at home. Very correct. At the same time, it’s important for such women to happily embrace those circumstances and make the most of them. Grudging, sulking and cursing the events will only bring misery….attitude counts for a lot…
Here is what Aviva and I have found from the research we did for our book and from meeting hundreds of mothers over the course of the past two years since our book has been published. The level of guilt in moms is the same regardless of employment status. The inducers of their guilt, is what may be different (i.e. working moms feeling guilty about not being at every school event while stay at home moms are feeling guilty about not contributing financially to the family) but all moms have the guilt-0-meters running about the same. Overall, it just varies from family to family as to how a moms guilt effects mom, dad, kids, whomever. What we have tried to focus on is not figuring out who is feeling more guilt, but to figure out how to absolve it for as many parents as possible in ways they can actually work into their life. Also the whole blame thing the media has going on-often labeled the mommy wars-only serves to distract from the really important stuff, like getting better childcare, having affordable housing, getting flexibility in the workplace, and so many more.
Aviva and I also believe as you, that we gotta be accountable for our own happiness, so if someone doesn’t like your choice/decision, tell em two little words “So what!” it can help liberate moms from running up the guilt-0-meter.
A stay at home mom can make the transition to a career by gaining the skills and qualifications through online education. Distance education providers such as Thomson Education http://thomson.edu.au/ provide courses which are less expensive, more accessible, and more flexible than campus based university programs, giving mothers more time to attend their family needs.
I don’t get it? Why have children if you leave them for someone else to raise or influence them? Careers can come and go anytime but your child is small for a very short time. This is society’s hardest job to raise the next generation of young adults. Can you trust that to a day care worker who will not see that child as an adult? Do society a favor and raise the children you bear until they are old enough to go out into the world. If you want a career that’s your choice too but don’t have children. We are starting to see “you can’t have it all” something will give let it not be our children.
Well, our moms have worked most of their lives too, though not as intense day routines as we have now. I rate myself as a very independent and well brought up individual and I see the value of of my mom working and I had high opinions of her when she managed work and family so well and reamined active most of her day as opposed to those who stayed at home and got the house work done in perhaps thrice the time it took my mom!
The question is not that someone else is bringing up your kids, but how much quality time can you spend you with your child – memories a child can be happy to share when he/she grows up. As mentioned in this blog – if someone feels stifled just being home and not being able to jump-start or continue her career it would be best for her to work while raising kids – a kid would prefer a happy and giving mom for 5 hours a day as opposed to a grumpy mom who feels she has sacrificed her career along the way.
raising happy kids and giving them a good life is sometimes more important than just being home with them and not being able to contribute your best.
Devra,
I completely agree with you here. We all have our guilts whether being a stay at home mom not contributing to the financials of house management or being a working mom compromising on spending time with kids – but itdepends on our priorities – the crux of all situations has been “knowing” what to do – and knowing what make us happy – once you get to terms with that life is happier and you do not have to validate your choice to anyone or to yourself.
The point is know what you truly want in this life and then plan accordingly.
Networking is not only for finding jobs or clients. In an economy dominated by ideas and innovation, networking creates the channel through which ideas flow and in which new ideas are created. A large network, carefully cultivated, ties one into not just a body of people but a body of relationships, and those relationships are more than just the sum of their parts. The interactions those relationships make possible give rise to innovation and creativity – and provide the support to nurture new ideas until they can be realized.
What is missing here is the father’s input. If both parents cooperate, then a child can be left with happy childhood. Don’t you think that it is a little sexist to only tell women that they should balance their careers and their motherhood? A mother and a father are both human, so both are capable of caring properly for a child. Both working adults, should they choose to have children, should sacrifice a bit of their careers so that the child receives nurturing from a fatherly guide and a motherly guide. It takes two to tango and two to raise a child properly. Thus, in my opinion, instead of looking to the mother and constantly nagging her to be at home with her children, BOTH parents should compromise their schedules so that they both can give their child(ren) love and support.
For instance, in my family, my parents divided their work time and parent time evenly. My mother took care of us (5) in the mornings and then took the night shift. My father took the morning shift of his job and took care of my siblings and I in the evenings. On weekends, they both stayed home with us. Never once did I feel neglected and I’m a normal teenager now. My siblings feel the same way.
I understand that not all parents can have a schedule like this, but I believe both parents can do their part and lead a lively career as well as a worthwhile parenthood if they try their best.
I know that this is an article made specifically for women, but I think that the attention focus on topics like this should be evenly divided for mothers and fathers that work/stay at home.
Well said Tina. It always takes two to tango and the couples who do it together with a good understanding and equal participation make it work the best – for themselves and for their kids too. But the percentage on this harmonious working is still on the on the low side. And thus the “working mom struggle” continues.. but you are right in pointing out that it must be generally seen as “working parents issue” not just a woman.