A client recently consulted on a situation she’s facing at her workplace. This is an open question / discussion to the career experts and managers out there on how considerate or tolerant one can be at the workplace to accommodate occasional slip-ups.
Your comments / advice / suggestions are welcome on this one please:
Client (Employee at a global IT firm):
I had an early morning call on Tuesday morning with the team I am working with in Europe, this was a 6:30 morning call since a few other groups were also involved and I had to lead the discussion on a current project. I am one of the leads on this project. Monday night my little daughter fell sick and I was almost up all night tending after her, feeling not too good myself I did not wake up to the alarm – I guess I shut off the alarm and swayed back to sleep and jolted when realization dawned that I had a meeting that morning.
By the time I splashed my face and launched the online meeting (around 7:15 am) there was no one there on the other end. I shot an email and apologized for what had gone wrong but during that time, the manager on the Europe team had already shot an email to me and copied my boss on it informing on how they had waited for 15 minutes then called my cell phone and got no answers. Obviously they were not happy with what happened that day but did not wait to hear back from me before ranting off to my boss.
I admit it was not completely professional on my part but was not also under my control. My boss of course now shares similar opinion on this issue that perhaps what I said later was just an excuse! I hear the manager in Europe and my boss have worked together before and are good friends. It’s not a matter of who is to blame here but the point is it has soured some relationships and if they can’t trust me on what I had to tell things are not the same as before.What would you tell me or ……………
Please add your comments and advice this person and perhaps many others in who could encounter similar situations.
Thanks for sharing this situation. Sorry it had to happen, and I’m sure it’s quite nervous-making for your client. I have a few thoughts on the issue and how I think it could have been handled differently, by both parties.
First, slip ups do happen, and the reality is that women who are caring for children also have to juggle what’s going on in the children’s lives as well, and this sometimes conflicts with work if work is slipping into non-traditional work hours (such as 7:00 am). If I were the manager in Europe with a team awaiting to conduct a meeting and the host didn’t arrive (it’s happened to me actually!), I’d keep my cool, and stay on the line for 15 minutes, at which point I’d adjourn. I’d then reach out to the meeting host (who was not on the call) and ask if everything was ok. I would NOT assume anything. I would not display anger – or shoot off an email over the individual’s head (to the boss) until I discovered what the situation was. If however, I felt very frustrated that this type of thing had happened before, or there had been prior breaches of trust, then I might communicate with the boss.
On the other hand, looking at the accountability of your client, if I were running a meeting in the morning and I had been up all night with a sick child (I”ve been there!) but I felt capable of handling the meeting, I’d set two alarms to make sure I arose on time. If I felt I simply couldn’t, I’d send an email to all involved, apologizing for the deep inconvenience but canceling the meeting.
What I hear being communicated here is 1) an extreme demand (early morning meeting) that was hard to meet due to a child’s illness, 2) an inability to conduct the meeting (which could have, perhaps, been communicated before the meeting time), 3) a lack of trust that’s somehow been created with the individual, the individual’s boss, and the European manager.
When trust is lost, it’s very hard to regain. I’d suggest your client speak to her boss frankly and openly, and get to the bottom of why the trust was broken, and then make a determination of whether she believes that she’s being treated fairly and if this breach of trust is something that can be repaired.
In the end, I believe that what happens to us is co-created by us – in other words, we can shape outcomes – we’re not just victims. Your client mentions that what happened was “not completely under my control.” If I were a manager, I would not be pleased to hear that – it feels a bit like an excuse. As a manager, I’d hope to hear more of a sense of accountability going forward.
It’s critical to find the courage to be fully accountable for your actions, and be ready to hear and listen if others feel we are not living up to the requirements of the job. From that empowered standpoint, you can decide what’s best for you as a next step. Hope that’s useful!
Thank you Kathy for your elaborate and very pertinent response, Deeply appreciate it and I’m sure my client would too. I see that you have made suggestions from both side of the table, the consideration and efforts to make things smoother have to happen from both sides.
I admire you saying that “As a manager, I’d hope to hear more of a sense of accountability going forward.” This aspect is important for further trust building and showing that this was not a recurring event.
Your advice will help lot many others who have been in similar situations or could be .. it’s certainly one of those things to know before you can say “I wish I had known it before”.
Thanks again and I completely agree with what you have to say here.
Hi Shweta – You asked how I view this…based on how this is written.
1. Take complete responsibility. It’s natural to start thinking ‘it wasn’t really my fault’ but that’s fear-based thinking that can easily lead you down the road of thinking you’re a victim and erode your sense of personal efficacy. It can be helpful to refocus on the impact of your actions on others and away from how you feel.
2. Acknowledge your responsibility to the people affected + tell them what you’ll do in the future to make sure it doesn’t happen again. Depending on your relationship with your boss, consider developing ideas on how to prevent a reoccurance in a collaborative conversation with your boss.
3. There isn’t enough information to know whether or not the European manager was correct. Anyway it’s a side issue.
Appreciate your reply Phyllis and love it too!
Too often we tend to be on the defensive and try not take on the responsibility or blame. I think it’s just not human nature but if and when you can probably then we can move in the right direction. It is not easy to take in criticism but with sane advice from you and other experts, I guess it can be easier!
Thanks again, I agree!
Here’s one quote I read today:
“Argue for your limitations and sure enough, they’re yours.”~ Richard Bach